Well hello there, internet land. It's been a while since I've sat down with my computer and opened up my brain for those who take the time out of their lives to read this (to my own surprise, there are people who actually want me to do this).
Now that I am out of high school and am making my way out of college, I feel pretty confident that I know how it is to have young love. I am extremely aware that the way people experience love, or anything really, is different for everyone. Yet I am going to voice my thoughts, heartfelt opinions, and advice regardless.
WARNING: THIS IS A NYQUIL FUELED RANT.
I'm going to start with everyone's favorite part about love; the falling. This, for us youngin's, is when everything else in the world literally stops mattering. You've got a test in the morning for Chemistry? Who cares. He just texted you two smiley faces and now you're going to stay up all night thinking about it. This is the part of the relationship where that annoying thing he does doesn't really bother you... yet. My grown-up (ish) advice about being in this stage is as follows:
1. Pay attention to his behavior. You might think that you can ignore the fact that he corrects you any grammar mistakes you make, or when he gets grumpy if another boy texts you. You might think maybe he will grow out of these habits that annoy you. I assure you that is 95% not going to happen. What you see is what you get in a person and living with their flaws is essential. If you can't handle them one month in, it's going to drive you insane in a year.
2. Watch for warning signs. In my life, there has been one boy who I knew in the deepest part of my core was all bad news. If I had listened to my instincts and decided against dating this boy, my life would be drastically different. That is a cold, hard fact (disclaimer: I'm totally chill with how my life has turned out so far, I simply think this person is a genuinely horrible person). The point being is when he asked me to be his girlfriend, there was a tiny voice in the back of my head screaming, "Dear, God don't do it". That's your conscience, ladies and gents. It's always right.
I'm going to move on to the stage right after the honeymoon phase. This is when sh*t starts to get real. This is the part of dating someone monogamously that can suck if you're both still kids (aka my parents were right when they told me I shouldn't date until I was 21). I am going to speak very freely of a person I was with not in hopes to offend them but for an educational purpose.
I was essentially in an abusive relationship for a little while. Not physically or emotionally, really, but psychologically. No specific details but I felt like I couldn't leave them. It felt immoral to do so. This person, over the course of some time, convinced me that my best friend of over a decade wasn't someone I should be associated with. I made some really poor life decisions to satisfy this person's wants. It took me a long time to come to my senses and realize I needed to take care of myself and cut ties.
If you ever feel like someone has control over your life in any way, get the hell away from that person. A good relationship will never make you feel like that. It is always a choice and never an obligation to please someone else and if you feel like it's the foundation of that person's feelings towards you, then that is not the person you're supposed to be with. To be perfectly honest, after walking away from that toxicity in my life I became a better person.
Relationships are never supposed to define you as a person. That's something I didn't understand until recently. People had said it to me but never in terms that I related to. Love is not about finding yourself within another person. It's about enriching your life because they're in it. A very special person in my life made me realize that.
For those who read this that are young and confused about love or romance, take solace in knowing that you are an incredible person who needs to grow as an individual. It's totally unrealistic to tell young adults not to date until they're fully formed people. I think you should date. Just be wary and put yourself first. It is not selfish to break someone else's heart for the sake of protecting your own. That is my biggest piece of love advice.
