Real Talk | Flaws and Imperfections

When I was thirteen years old, I was under the impression that the girls I saw on Disney Channel were all the pinnacle of beauty. They always had perfect hair, glowing skin, and teeny waists. I, like so any other little girls, wanted so desparately to look like them. I bought clothes that they wore, I would try to talk like them, and I wondered why I never really looked as pretty as them.  I had no idea they sat in hair and makeup for hours when they posed for magazines. I thought that their hair just grew better than mine and that they never got pimples.  I was crushed when I started to get red, angry looking zits because to me that meant I was ugly. I hated looking at myself and not seeing a flat, thin stomach. I was convinced that weighing anything over 115 was overweight because the internet cites never listed any of those girls heavier than 110 lbs.
At the time I was extremely active in swimming.  I was healthy and thriving as any normal human being should be, but still I would go home and do sit ups praying that the little bit of cushion over my middrift would disappear. When I got a pimple, I would walk around trying to keep something infront of it so no one would notice it.
It took me a long time and a lot of soul searching to realize that if I lost that tiny bit of belly fat, I wouldn't menstruate like normal and that literally everyone gets pimples. Then I found out that those girls on Disney Channel were all miserable and some anorexic.  I started seeing women like America Ferrara talk about curves and loving your whole body for what it is and somehow along the lines, I really began to believe I was beautiful the way I was.
Are there still days when I step on a scale and wince at 138 lbs flashing at me? Yes, of course. It is a healing processes that I don't think enough girls get a chance to do and unfortunately I don't think that the biggest perpatrators are done.  Just recently I had a Disney TV show on and I found myself looking at the girls and feeling those same insecure and self conscious feelings about my body. The shows still make the larger girl characters weird and awkward with unflattering personalities. And it's sad that they still haven't gotten the message. It's sad that there is so much emphasis put on looking good.
You rarely hear people ask you how you feel about how you look. I wish that every person had the opportunity to say they love how it feels to look in the mirror and see themselves. Their unadulterated face and their well respected bodies that look the way that they do and that it's okay that it is different than that girl from Seventeen Magazine. There is something to be said about those lazy days on the couch wearing sweatpants, with a face full of acne and a frizzy ball of hair.  If on those days, you can look yourself in the front-facing camera of your iphone and feel good, you're doing something right.

We Should All Be Like Joey Tribbiani

If you're unfamiliar with the most spectacular television show, Friends, then you're most likely not a friend of mine (haha, get it?). Whilst debating which character I like the best, I realized how awesome Joey is and I feel that it is essential to honor all the reasons why we all should strive to be more like Joey Tribbiani. Here they are:


Joey does not sweat a damn thing. He is the least stressed and the most unapologetic. Remember the time he ate his date's cake? Inspired.

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He uses his wishbone wish for Chandler to get an advertising job instead of winning the lottery. Who else would be that selfless?

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He has the best facial expressions. THOSE EYES!

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He'll eat just about anything. Ex: eating cheesecake off the hallway floor, eating the entire contents of his fridge because it broke, and ordering the "Joey special" (two large pizzas).

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He officiates both of the (legit) weddings his friends have and adds his perfect Joey charisma.

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He kept Chandler and Monica's secret from all of his friends and took some major heat to cover up their tracks.

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When he develops an all consuming love for Rachel, he doesn't go after her out of respect for Ross.

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He is a great brother. He has seven sisters that he loves and takes care of in a good, Italian, protective way. 

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Last but not least, he has one of the most memorable one-liners in the history of television.

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Here's to you, Joe. You're a true gem. 
Thank you Matt Le Blanc for your talents.

Weird Things I Thought as a Kid

As a young child, and even my twenty-year-old self, I have come up with these strange ideas, thoughts, and theories that I hope by sharing with the internet world will make your day a little brighter. Feel free to laugh at my ignorance and odd brain wave

I thought that getting a broken bone was like the coolest thing you could do in elementary school. All my friends at one point broke a finger, leg, or arm and I was so jealous because despite my falls and stumbles, I never managed to actually break anything. Any time I would remotely hurt myself, I would demand to go get X-rays, and then be moderately disappointed that I wouldn’t be picking out a color for a cast.

When I was watching Titanic for the first time and the ship had done its sinking, I thought the floating bodies in the ocean were actors who agreed to be killed for the film’s authenticity. I was horrified that someone would be so dedicated to their craft to die to be an extra. That kind of messed me up for all other movies with characters that died, because no one really explained that they were pretending to be dead and if you looked closely, you’d see them breathing (Emmy Rossum in Mystic River is a good example of that).

It was only until like last week that I unveiled the mystery of ceilings. I have been baffled by ceilings my whole life and I was always kind of unwilling to ask people how they were actually built. Finally I confessed to my mother that ceilings freaked me out and I felt like they defied gravity. I was pretty sure the only way a ceiling stayed up was witchcraft, or like you placed a giant piece of ceiling over a house and just trimmed the edges until it fit the house. My mom then explained to me that I was a loon and then told me how they were actually made.

Being a grown up who drives herself around, I realize that as a kid I had zero concept of distance. I used to think that the church parking lot that I rode my bike around was in a foreign town and was so far away from my house. It's around the corner. I also thought that I could drive to California just as easily as I could get to school.

I'm pretty sure that everyone at one point thought something similar to this, but I had no idea that my parents were kids at one time. I thought they had always been older, waiting for me to be born. I probably also thought that I was going to stay little all the time.

The very first Easter that I had my kitten, I was scared that the Easter bunny was going to steal her in the middle of the night because he didn't like cats.

I was told by my mom that when I was sixteen years old I would get powers and I totally believed her. I went to school and told all of my friends that I was going to be a witch when I was older and they thought I was crazy and told my teacher that I was scaring them. My teacher had to sit me down and explain that I wasn't a witch and I needed to stop telling my friends that I would curse them if they didn't stop making fun of me.

Unfortunately, I never did turn into a witch, I now know how to build a ceiling, and I still have never worn a cast. Here's to going twenty years thinking ceilings were magic. 

Awesome Things About Winter

Blizzards are upon us and it seems like the worst thing ever. It definitely can be, but there are things about winter that if you try hard enough, can make up for the air hurting your face.

This is the only season that will get you out of unwanted plans. You don't want to go to a meeting? Those fat snowflakes are your best excuse. You woke up for class really late? Subzero temperatures wouldn't let your car start. These excuses are exclusively for winter. Embrace it.

Hot baths are actually enjoyable. Trying to take a bath in the summer is a form of punishment. Bathing in winter is like having a little bit of the sun to keep you warm and happy.

Snow angels are still fun. If just for a second, bundle yourself up and go run outside to make a snow angel. While your laying there, you melt that little part of the lawn so really you're only helping winter end faster.

Watching snow is one of the prettiest things. (Except when you're driving down the highway) Just sitting and staring at the snow fall is beyond peaceful. If it's past sunset, step outside as the snow falls when it's quite outside and just experience nature at its finest. It's like living in a poem.

No one can tell you if put on winter weight. You spend the whole season bundled in layers, no one has to know that you eat an alarming amount of food whilst binge-watching Netflix. Enjoy those cookies and hot cocoa, no one will judge.

Sledding is so much fun! Any winter-specific activity available right now is something you should go do. Get a toboggan and sled, rent some skates and bruise your tailbone, tie tennis rackets to your boots and snow shoe. If you shove enough hand warmers into your pants, you can enjoy a whole day out in the cold.

Things like the snow challenge exist. If you yourself don't want to go outside, watch a bunch of crazy kids dive headfirst into snowdrifts wearing swim suits on YouTube. Or witness a Polar Bear Swim (where people go running into a freezing lake risking hypothermia for charity).

If you are really just entirely anti-winter, put your heater up to 85 in your house, and tape pictures of the beach on your windows so you can pretend it's still summer.

Thank You, Professor Snape

In light of the news of beloved Alan Rickman's passing, I felt compelled to express thanks to the brilliant work he has left as a legacy for this world.
There are so many quotes that I could spew out but the most fitting for this Ode is as follows...

"A film, a piece of theatre, a piece of music, or a book can make a difference. It can change the world." -Alan Rickman

And so it has. Here are the ways Professor Snape has changed us all.



1. He taught us that the noblest of heroes do not need to be recognized. It was not until he was gone that we learned just how brave and honorable Snape was.



2. We learned that love transcends past time and circumstances. Snape's greatest motivation, until the very end, is love; unconditional, and selfless love.



3. We must always have a confidant who knows our story. Dumbledore was the only person to truly know who Snape was as a person in life. In death, Snape shared his truth with Harry and his legacy carried onto the next generation.



4. Sarcasm is for the superior. There is no doubt that Snape's quips and shrugs were by far the sassiest and most beautifully cheeky things we've ever seen on screen.



5. Sometimes the worst emotions take over. Snape's jealousy for James Potter turned him bitter, but despite all that he rescues Harry time after time until the end.



6. Snape was without a doubt the most unwavering person of them all. More than his unchanging appearance, he was effectively Severus true to his cause and his own persona.



7. And above all, he was portrayed by one of the most inspiring people in the world. Thank you, Professor Snape. Thank you, Alan Rickman. You will live in our hearts, always.

Dealing with Anxiety Part Two

These past few weeks I became riddled with unexpected and frankly frightening anxiety and depression that knocked the wind right out of me. I stopped writing a novel I've been working on for a year, I stopped eating, I wouldn't write a blog. I felt like a fraud. How could I write a blog about being positive when I wasn't anything near being okay?
But here I am right now because I went from being immobile to actual functioning human being that feels hope.
I am incredibly blessed to have a support system more solid than rock. I now understand those whose only solace is drugs and alcohol. When people don't get the help they need, then escape becomes their solution.
God, am I lucky to not be living in the Dark Ages where people like me would be locked up and forgotten about.
Besides going to therapy, I have some things that I've used this past month that has soothed me that I suggest to those fighting the same battle that I am.

1. Get a massage. Talk to the message therapist and just be candid and open. It's not a cheap option so I digress...
2. Donate blood. I really wanted to feel like I was doing something good and spontaneously I decided to drive over in a snow storm to go to a donation center. It was so oddly therapeutic for me. When I'm in the chair bleeding (sorry that sounded weird), I think about the people who need help. When I think about how what I'm doing is going to help people, I feel good.
3. Watch Good Will Hunting. Just trust me with that one.
4. Hug every damn person who will take a hug. I must have sat holding my grandma for half an hour when we had our holiday dinner. Nothing feels better than hugs.
5. Take a hot bath. My therapist told me that scientifically, when you take a hot bath you get psychoamnesia. Which means your stresses literally go away. (I want to spend my whole life in a bathtub)
6. Get something you can wear that reminds you to be strong. I know that I am not always going to feel bad. I also know I won't always feel good. So to prepare for the bad times, I wear a Lion ring, a cross necklace from my dad, and a bizmuth pendant from my sister. They're emblems of strength.
7. Sing your heart out. It just feels good to belt Christina Perri's "Human".

I have faith that you'll get better.

Fly with Time, Julia.

Pretty Little Moments

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So twice in the past week-ish, I have woken up to the same sound. Sounds kind of creepy, but it’s not I promise. In both incidents, it was well before I wanted to be awake that I was awoken and I was fairly immediately pleased.

The first of these encounters happened on the last day of my finals and the last thing I needed was to be awake before I had to be, and when I heard a strange ruckus downstairs, I was confused and annoyed for a couple minutes until I heard the telltale sound of a little kid. A one year old to be fairly precise, doing that “ah ah” noise. And I was like, there’s a baby in my house! Yay, I love babies! So I went downstairs not knowing why or how there was a baby in my house, but I was too excited about having a baby in my house (did I say that phrase enough?). So I rush down stairs and my dad’s friend is over and he has his little grandson who is toddling around my living room being mega-adorable. I was pretty glad to be awake, man. He was so sweet.

The second instance was this morning actually. I hadn’t gotten home until like midnight and right after the sun rose, basically, I heard outside my window people yelling. For a split second, I was highly irate until I realized it was little kids giggling. Then it was just infectious and I started smiling. There is something about little ones laughing that just makes me happy. I love hearing youthful, innocent happiness.

I tell these stories for two reasons, one because I just want to express how healing and utterly beautiful children’s happiness can be. And secondly, I think that it is so important to appreciate little moments like those. A lot of my happiest moments in life come from appreciating very small things; like hearing laughter in the morning instead of an alarm clock. Or taking a nature stroll and witnessing spectacular things (which I often write about in Escaping Suburbia). As the holidays come barreling towards us about to pass in the blink of an eye, take some time to enjoy little things and reflect on them. Cherish moments more than gifts (sorry, that was mushy).