Things I’m Exceptionally Good At

 

You know those nice headphones Apple gives you when you get a new phone?  I love those little guys.  Did you know I am excellent at ripping them out of my ears?  Yeah, it’s great.  I’ll be listening to music, and I’ll try to readjust my sitting position, and every single time without a doubt, my hands expertly find a way to yank those little buds from my ears.

Some people can brag about getting a full night’s sleep.  Well, they have nothing on me. Sometimes I stay up and watch the sun rise before falling asleep.  Occasionally I’ll cave and sleep, but I’ve been getting so good lately.  I’m almost at a perfect record of least amounts of hours slept in a week for me.  It’s exhilarating.

On a related note, I am very good at forgetting what day it is in the morning.  Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I need to be to school at 11am, but Tuesday and Thursday is 10am.  It’s great because not only am I a talented Day Forgetter, I have a hidden talent of not knowing what time it is when I wake up.  Even when I stare right at the time, I can’t even tell! So I’m almost being promoted to being a Tardy Student.

Sometimes when I do make it to class, teachers tell me to speak.  I am one of the best at making my voice sound all sorts of strange.  Let’s see… Oh! I can stutter really well.  Almost to the point where I need to start over, but I’m not that good yet.  Also I could teach a course in forgetting to clear your throat before you speak so that it sounds like you’ve smoked 3 packs of cigarettes on your walk from your car to the classroom. 

Last but certainly not least, I have an impeccable knack at leaving things in my car especially my phone.  Actually I’m just a pro at forgetting my phone in general.  I once forgot my phone was on my lap while I was driving, that when I stood up to get out of the car, it fell in the street.  Not only that, but I didn’t remember I forgot it for an hour.  I guess someone realized that I needed an award for forgetting my phone in such an ultimate way; they left their tire tracks on it.  But props go to my phone for never ever breaking, whether it was me dropping it down a flight of stairs, or getting run over a car, my little guy has hung tough. (Knock on wood)