My New Year's Resolution

 

When I was thirteen years old, my New Year's Resolution List consisted of two things:

First was to have a boyfriend, and the second was to lose 15 pounds.  At that time, I was just developing feminine hips and a chest, and I was utterly horrified.  All of my friends wore A cups, bought size zero jeans and had boyfriends on the football team. I was so embarrassed by the fact that I hadn't had my first kiss, was wearing size 5 jeans and in my head, was chunky in the middle.

When I showed a family friend the list I made, they told me I would whither away to nothing if I weighed any less than I did. I was about 5'4" at the time and was around 100 pounds. Going by a generic BMI calculator, I was a little underweight already. Yet, I was still significantly wider than most of my friends, and anyone larger was laughed at and called fat behind their backs.  I never wanted to be the kind of person to be laughed at, so I made it a plan to stay skinny and try to get skinnier. 

 

When I was 15 years old, I had my first boyfriend and I was very athletic and thin.  I was 5'6" and weighed around 115 pounds.  My measurements were 35''25''35'' which, I was told, was the perfect measurements for a women. I thrived for moments when I was told how thin I looked, and I was devastated when that boyfriend of mine would tell me I was looking a little chunkier than usual.

After the wake of my first heartbreak, I was convinced, like most teenage girls, that the world was coming to an end.

 

 

Here are a few pictures from that summer.

 

 

I really hate these pictures.

This girl was so sad and so reliant on other peoples' opinions to be happy.  I remember one time at a synchronized swimming competition, I was very nervous for my performance.  My coach came up to me and said "Don't be worried, you look great.  You're so skinny." At the time it did give me a little bit of a pep in my step.  But the person I am now is disgusted that those were the best words of advice I could've been given, and that I had accepted them as encouragement.

 

Before my breakup with this boy, I had two really huge competitions in Seattle for a week, and then Hawaii for a week and a half.  In Seattle, while sight-seeing, my team and I took tons of happy pictures together, and I looked really excited and glad to be with my friends.  This boy wasn't too pleased.  He had claimed that I couldn't possibly love him if I was having so much fun without him, so when I went to Hawaii, I made a point to look much less happy, never really smile my fullest, or avoided pictures altogether.

 

The rest of the summer, I wasted away and became thinner and thinner, and progressively less happy...

 

By my senior year of high school, I had gained almost 40 pounds.  I was not nearly as athletic, I ate too much pasta, and was called fat a lot more, but I was so much happier.  I taught myself to love my body, and enjoy my feminine curves that I wished away so many times. I realized that no one should dictate my happiness.

 

I am so beautiful.  Too many people think that's a conceited notion, to think of yourself as pretty, or sexy, or anything positive, really. I think it keeps you sane.

 

Why shouldn't I think I'm gorgeous? Loving myself doesn't hurt anyone. I don't tell myself I'm pretty and other people are ugly.  I don't call myself skinny and decide other people are fat.

 

I also don't rely on other people to tell me these things.  Today I have no idea what I weigh, or what my measurements are. I know that I am 5'6" and happy.  That's all that really matters to me. So my New Year's Resolution is to stay happy, and healthy both physically and mentally so I can help to make this world a better place.

 

 

Stay beautiful.

 

 

Stay strong.

 

Stay silly.

 

 

Happy New Year's Eve, everyone, and don't forget...

Fly with time.

 

Birdy Cover "Tee Shirt"

After rereading The Fault in Our Stars and having the soundtrack on constant replay I decided to do a little cover. 

Xoxo

My Grown Up Christmas List

 

Merry Christmas.  I really mean every word I sing.  I wish everyone had a reason to be happy, and could feel safe and loved every single day.

Cheer up

This time of year is all about happiness and celebration. Yet, so many people feel less than ecstatic around the holidays for plenty of reasons. The holidays are a time to be with family, and having a dysfunctional one is a bummer. Some people are depressed by the weather.
Well, being someone who has been down in the dumps a bit this season, I wanted to list things that make me happy. So whenever I'm upset I can come and reread this list and maybe it will cheer me up. Because regardless of whatever is going on, everyone should be happy.

1.) My cat
2.) Singing
3.) My family
4.) Books
5.) Herbal Tea
6.) Music
7.) The sky at three in the morning
8.) Writing
9.) Yoga
10.) My friends
11.) Quiet snowy nights
12.) Kanye West quotes
13.) My puppy
14.) The Breakfast Club
16.) Harry Potter
17.) Dancing
18.) Chocolate
19.) Hiking
20.) Life

Paper Snowflakes.

 

Tiny people working in the clouds

Throw tiny buckets of snowflakes on the ground.

 

 

 

Unicorns.

I find it curious how people affect you.  Not in a casual way, though.  I mean when someone just affects you.  I’ve met people in my life that just had such energy, that it ate at me if I wasn’t thinking about them.  They’re very rare people, but they don’t leave you even after they're gone from your life. These kinds of people just embed their aura onto yours and it changes you in a way that’s very good.  Some of the people in my life have been so fleeting, some have been by my side for years, and some are honestly fictional characters, but they all have that identifying factor of being so incredibly exciting simply because they exist.

I’m not saying I have seen these people romantically because that’s a different kind of feeling.  I don’t really believe in soul mates because there’s a chance that souls can exist in different lifetimes and fate can mess up and leave you alone forever, so I don’t risk that belief.  I would consider these people as emotionally compatible, maybe?

I just know I can’t be the only person to have these people in my life.  To be so affected by another person in such a platonic, yet almost miraculous way.  It’s strange and incredible. 

They're really the unicorns of human beings.  Their rarity and specialness exists only in your mind and your heart.  To other's they might just be another person, but to you they're magnificent.

 

 

 

This is not much of a blog.  It’s not much of anything, but I like to keep a record of my thoughts.

And it’s silly to live up to expectations that I made for myself about some internet thing that I started for fun.

I just wanted to rant about these unicorns of people in my life.

So I did.

DIY Hot Cocoa Mix Gift

 

 

This gift costs next to nothing to make. Mason jars are really inexpensive at Michael's and odds are you probably have sugar and cocoa in the house.  If not, they're not expensive. (I use organic/raw cacao, but there are other brands that aren't quite as pricey)

 

 

 

What you'll need:

-Mason jar (self-sealing)

-3/4 cups cocoa powder

-1 1/2 cups sugar

-measuring cup

-paper

-ribbon

-hole punch, scissors

-pencil

 

 

 

There are two ways do make this gift.  You can either layer the cocoa and sugar in like I did, or you can pre-mix them.

 

It's important to put the cocoa first because the grains are smaller and don't let the sugar seep past and make the layers look sloppy.  So 3/4 cups cocoa goes into the bottom first.

 

Next is the 1 1/2 cups sugar.  You can also use light brown sugar instead of regular granulated, or a mix of both.

 

On the tag, I put the directions, of course.

 

"1.) Shake the ingredients in the jar until fully mixed. 2.) Heat up 2 1/2 tablespoons and one cup of milk in a small saucepan. 3.) Whisk until completely blended."

 

 

Tie on the tag with a nice ribbon (in my case lace), and label it to the lucky person.

 

All done!

 

 

Thanks for reading! Subscribe to my blog via email and come back everyday until the 25th to celebrate Blogmas with me!

The True Meaning of Christmas

There has been a commercial on TV for Wal-Mart where a little boy is saves up change, does house/yard work for his neighbors to get money to buy a bike.  At the end of the commercial, he gives it to his little brother on Christmas morning.  When I saw it I cried hard.  To me that’s the greatest kind of Christmas commercial ever.  As much as Wal-Mart is crap in any other aspect of existing, they have some effective PR and Advertising workers.  I really don’t like the kinds of commercials where people are just buying things simply to get their list done, because that’s what Christmas has turned into.  People just buy other people things that they don’t need because they feel like they need to.  I wish more people thought like this imaginary Wal-Mart boy. He just wanted to make someone he loved happy in a very genuine way.  Not in the sense that it will keep your spoiled brat niece from whining that she didn’t get what she wanted.   

For me, the true meaning of Christmas is making the ones you love happy.  Presents are not necessary.  You don’t have to spend an exorbitant amount of money to make someone happy (and if they think so, odds are even the things they want won’t make them happy.) 

Want to make someone happy without buying them anything this Christmas?

Thought so.  Here are some ideas…

-          Write them a letter, poem, story, anything telling them how you feel about them

-          Share your favorite music with them

-          Give them a hug

-          Take a walk/hike with them and look at lights on houses

-          Wish them a Happy Christmas/ Hanukkah/ Kwanza/ New Years

-          Have a holiday movie marathon with their favorites

-          Listen to them when they talk

-          Give them the gift of laugher by simply having fun

The holidays and presents shouldn’t be synonymous.  Holidays and gifts should be, because a gift isn’t necessarily a tangible thing.  So remember to be grateful for people that love you, and if they bought you something, great, if they don’t, it doesn’t matter.  Having them in your life is enough.

 

 

 

Thanks for reading! Please subscribe via email and come back everyday until the 25th to celebrate Blogmas with me.

Escaping Suburbia - Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Since I am in love with this Magisto app I made a video of my winter hiking with my best friend. 

I have been waiting for months for a day I didn't have work, school, and the weather complied. 

Advice for Loving Life Pt. 2

In my life right now, I do not have any idols. I don’t think people should. 

I have found if you idolize people, they will always let you down.  What I do think people should have are role models.   When you idolize someone, you put them at higher importance than yourself.  Why?  What possesses people to think someone else is more important than them just because they think someone is funnier, smarter, or more attractive than them? Simone de Beauvoir, one of my favorite philosophers, says men and women are like giants and dwarves.  Women shrink themselves because they see men as god-like because that’s what they’re taught.  Women are conditioned to think that men should take care of the responsibilities and they’re far more important because of it.  Yet, when women think of men this way they’re always found disappointed because men are only human and cannot measure up to anything more than that.

In a less feminist driven view of that analogy, people who idolize other people put themselves in that situation.  For example, someone who might have idolized Miley Cyrus circa 2008 would be highly devastated to find she makes imperfect decisions.  In my personal life I have found that the people I once idolized stopped caring about me, or treated me as if I was less important them.  (This, of course, is excluding family.  Sorry guys, I don’t idolize you.  You’re my role models.)  You shouldn’t give anyone the opportunity to claim superiority to you simply because you like who they are.  You are just as important as anyone else, and that’s two-fold.  You should realize that not only are your needs and wants no more important than someone else, but you are just as important as everyone else in the world.  So when you pick role models, find people who you appreciate on the same level as yourself. 

I would never tell anyone who to consider a role model, but I do suggest never idolizing anyone.  In other words, don’t be careful who you look up to (that’s completely up to you), but be careful how you look up to them.

Don’t forget to consider yourself in your list of awesome people. 

 

Thanks for reading! Please subscribe to my blog via email and come back every day until the 25^th to celebrate Blogmas with me!  Love yourself!

Lazy Sunday Night Activities

 

This Sunday I needed to have some fun.  So I decided how high I could stack the books in my room. (Almost one giraffe high).  Then I partook in some Blindfolded Doodles, and I thought why not make it into a blog? So I did, and now it's a thing that exists on the internet.  You're welcome.

 

 

 

 

 

I have a typewriter.  You could consider me a hipster.

 

Feast your eyes on this book I bought for my English class that we only needed once.  They don't lie when they tell you your professors will do this to you.

 

Easter egg:  I have a signed picture from the cast of Harry Potter that was sent to me when I sent in an audition tape to play Luna Lovegood at the age of 8 (ish).  They addressed the letter 'Julia Grizante' and I was so exciting someone from Harry Potter wrote my name, and considered spelling my last name that way for a moment.

 

"I call this the leaning tower of intelligence."

 

Almost one giraffe high, everyone.

 

 

Christmas morning with an elf, gifts under the tree, mistletoe, and Santa.

 

The manger scene... My sheep/lamb was compared to Van Gough's work.

 

Santa on his sleigh!

 

Christmas at Hogwarts!

 

 

Wow, thirty pictures of nonsense.  This is the part where I would ask people to subscribe and come back everyday for Blogmas, but man, am I weird. 

Thanks for reading anyway!